So God and St. Francis were talking one day…

August 3, 2010 at 5:20 PM Leave a comment

God and St. Francis — True and Funny

GOD:
Frank, you know all about gardens and
nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened
to the dandelions, violets,  milkweeds  and stuff I started eons ago? I had a
perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting
blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected
to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green
rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:

It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord.

The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great
lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:
Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not
colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod
worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great
pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass
and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably
make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows
a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up
and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do
they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to
throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They
fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and
pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the
summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the
growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren’t going to believe this, Lord.
When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to
water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of
the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees
grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the
autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in
the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The
Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake
them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub
and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST.. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go
out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to
make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough! I don’t want to think about this
anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you
scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:   ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story
about….

GOD:    Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

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Entry filed under: Garden Humor.

Urban garden experiment is blossoming in Houston Breakfast for the Birds – Suet Recipes.

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